I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
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