If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.