My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
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