It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Go to BabaMail
