My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
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