Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
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