How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
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