I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
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