Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made