I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
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