Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
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