Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
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