Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
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