How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
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