What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
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