I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Go to BabaMail
