So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
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