Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Go to BabaMail
