If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
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