My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Go to BabaMail
