What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
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