Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
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