I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
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