What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
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