What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
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