My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
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