How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
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