Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Go to BabaMail
