How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
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