Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.