What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
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