How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.