If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
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