What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
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