My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.