My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
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