You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
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