My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
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