I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
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