I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
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