Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
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