After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
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