What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
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