What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
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