I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
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