How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
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