How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
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