"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.