If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
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