A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
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