What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
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