My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
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