What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.