I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Bad puns are how eye roll.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
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