What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
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