I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
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