What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
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