Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
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