Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
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