A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
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