"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
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