I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
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