I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
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