When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
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