When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.