A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
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