What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I really hate straws.
They suck.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
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