I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
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