So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.