When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
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