What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
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