What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Only a**holes use bidets.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
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