All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
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