If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
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