What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
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