Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
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