I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
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