Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
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