Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
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