I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
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