What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
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