If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket