I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
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