A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Go to BabaMail
