My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.