My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
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