I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
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