Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
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