Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
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