The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
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