How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
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