How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Go to BabaMail
