What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
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