What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Only a**holes use bidets.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!