Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
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