This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Go to BabaMail
