People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
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