Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
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