I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
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