I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!