What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Wish upon a starfish.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
You really mermaid my day.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
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