Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Fairies just spell trouble.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
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