What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
I love you so fairy much.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
You are shrimply the best!
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Shes a fairy realistic person.
Call me on the shellphone.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
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