How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
I love you so fairy much.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Go big or go gnome.
Seas the day!
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
You mermake me happy.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Fishing you a happy day.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
You really mermaid my day.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
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