When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Seas the day!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Call me on the shellphone.
Shell-abrate the good times!
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Wish upon a starfish.
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