Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Seas the day!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
You mermaid to go far.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
You seem a little mer-mad.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
I think you're mer-mazing.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
You mermake me happy.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
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