Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Shell-abrate the good times!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
You really mermaid my day.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Seas the day!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
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