What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
You really mermaid my day.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
You mermake me happy.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
You seem a little mer-mad.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
You are shrimply the best!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
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