What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Go big or go gnome.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
You are shrimply the best!
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
You mermake me happy.
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