A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What concert costs $0.45?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
How many conductors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows because no-one ever watches the conductor.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
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