How are trumpets like pirates?
They both murder in the high C’s.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
All stereos are so typical.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.