Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.