Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
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