My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
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