Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
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