My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
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