I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
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