If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
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