What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
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