How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
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