Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
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