Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
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