I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
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