Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Go big or go gnome.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
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