What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
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