Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Go big or go gnome.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.