Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
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