What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
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