What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Go big or go gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
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