What does the Tour de France and Amsterdam have in common?
They both have a bunch of people on drugs riding around on bikes.
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
German tourist visits France.
Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".
French history is nothing to Lafayette at.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
What’s the capital of France?
The F.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
Don’t make such a Dreyfus about it.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to France from America?
Son, we are now Europeants!
I can’t believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face.
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
Which city in France is the nicest?
Nice.
It’s time to say Versailles to France.
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite.
What are stepfathers called in France?
Faux pas.
What's in the middle of Paris?
R.
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
Are these pants too tight in the Balzac?
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
French people give me the crepes.
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
I hate to Gauguin, but I have to catch my flight.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
French, French Revolution
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
Can I be Candide with you?
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
I love a good shindig. Just call me Napoleon Bonapart-y.
What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?
World War Won.
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
It's a Languedoc.
From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera!
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
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