I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
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