This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
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