A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
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