I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
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