What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
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