Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Bad puns are how eye roll.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
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