Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
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